Which Amazon pilot is worse, Zombieland or The After?

Answer: The After. Spoiler-free review.

What the fuck did I just watch? What kind of glue has Chris Carter been sniffing since the X-Files ended?

So what you've got here is sort of like Flash Forward, but without any hook or mystery even as slightly interesting as the blackout.

Imagine all the multitudes of pointlessly bickering townsfolk from Under the Dome condensed into half a dozen cliche characters behaving unbelievably, running around like assholes and arguing constantly without even the marginal coolness of the dome itself.

Which Amazon pilot is worse, Zombieland or The After?

It's a lot like Revolution if that show took place immediately after the power went out, except everybody says "fuck" every third word as if every cable show for decades had never uttered it before. I'm a big fan of profanity, an aficionado of it even, but I can't think of a show that made swearing as lame as this one did.

Similarly, while gratuitous nudity has its detractors, I'm not one of them. But the arbitrary skinny dipping scene in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse was so asinine I couldn't believe it.

The dialogue was impressively, tremendously bad. All of it. I couldn't tell if this was trying to achieve a Sharknado-esque so-bad-it's-good vibe, but I think it wasn't. I think it was trying to be serious.Which Amazon pilot is worse, Zombieland or The After?