Since COTD seems to have been discontinued on various Gawker sites, I shall create my own off-brand version; my own non-union, Mexican equivalent if you will. Perhaps I shall ask Steven Spielbergo to direct us some opening sequences.

Since I obviously don't actually do any work when I'm at work, I spend all day trawling io9 and reading a lot of comments. I will showcase all the fun ones I find, and resist the urge to make it a LizTaylor'sEarrings Greatest Hits. Because I'm not 100% monster. But I am 95% corruptible. Opinions can be swayed with a well-placed GIF bribe.

Anyhoodle, I have decided to call them The Niner Gold Stars. Because I'm an adult and if I want to give out gold stars, dammit I will.

My Off-Brand Comment of The Day Awards - Intro and WINNER!S

What are the criteria?

  • Starts with Morning Spoilers, ends whenever I feel like it
  • Must make me feel some sort of strong emotion that isn't hate, but if you do a particularly clever insult against something I like, I won't sic the dogs on you. You could possibly be rewarded
  • I'll do a post with nominees, then wait about a half hour/however long I feel like for votes/comments/suggestions/bribes before I announce a winner

Is there an actual reward?

  • Ha! I have no power. I cannot take you out of The Greys, nor bestow respect. I can give you a clipart star award that took me minutes to make, thank you

Tell me more about your corruptibility

  • If you see that you have been nominated and would like to win, my completely arbitrary points system has some wiggle room if you present me with an excellent GIF or Meme that I haven't seen before. I'm also susceptible to clever flattery

How do I know you won't just give awards to the regulars/yourself? You and FrankN.Stein seem awfully chummy.

  • You don't. That's what makes the day interesting for me.

Will you check the ODeck comments? I made some real zingers on Mythbri's post about cats!

  • Even I have my limits.

Wait. Who are you and what are you doing here?

  • I'm just a bored internet commenter looking for sweet, sweet validation, like everyone else

Thursday? Really? Couldn't wait until Monday?

  • I don't like your tone.

Any other questions? Concerns? Excellent comments I may have missed?

Today's Inaugural Nominees Are:

In response to the Chinese capsule that landed today:

They came in that thing? They're braver than I thought. - James K. Polk

Newest Futurama recap, starring Lrrr of Omicron Persei 8:

My Off-Brand Comment of The Day Awards - Intro and WINNER!S

-thebigbad

Avengers magazine covers? Yes, please!

Alright, I'm just gonna say it.

THAT IS SO FETCH. All of it. Fetch!

Hell, keep the superheroes as fiction and put those out anyway on the newsstands and I'd buy them. Because, wait for it, they're so fetch! - bangishotyou

Highlander's worst episode makes us think about a body part that perhaps we'd avoided thinking about since that 7th grade purple nurple (worth clicking for the picture!):

OOHH MYYY NIPPPPLESSSSSSSS - narffet

The "Why We Have Sex At Night" article produced an orgy of good comments:

Because when i try to have sex during the day, I get fired. - Jason Shenkel

Beavers are primarily nocturnal. - My Off-Brand Comment of The Day Awards - Intro and WINNER!99TelepodProblems

it is easier to hide my shame and remorse in the dark - Tim

Which one is your favourite? Did I miss one that you think I should consider?

I HAVE DECIDED. Like Moses coming down from the mountain top, I have decreed James K. Polk's "They're braver than I thought." to be the bestest comment of the regulation day. It made me giggle most thoroughly. Thanks for playing/humouring me!